March 30, 2017
Wiley Hou-Se - Editor
WASHINGTON - The distance separating Washington D.C from New York City measures 225 miles. According to reports from the White House 225 miles is too many for our President. Early last week Trump ordered his staff to begin contacting contractors to receive bids on building a New York version of the famous D.C. landmark. When asked where in New York City, a place well known for lack of available real estate, Trump's aid said.
"President Trump has given the location a lot of thought. At first he thought we could make the 83rd floor of Trump Tower the new White House, but the secret service quickly shut the idea down citing bogus security concerns. Days later Trump came to us giddy as a school girl and said, "I know where there is a lot of land in New York City ripe for building - Central Park."
We further pressed the aid for a description of the new building.
"As we are building in New York City we feel the building must be grandiose. Therefor, we are looking to build the tallest structure possible, maybe 150 floors. Not all the floors will be reserved for the President. We plan on also moving congress into the building and providing them living quarters so they never need to leave. The presidential floors will be designated by golden crown molding, and floors lined with elephant and lion skinned rugs. The American people will be glad to know that Walter Palmer, the man responsible for the killing of Cecil the Lion, and Donald Jr. have offered to procure these rugs at no cost. It is a great deal!"
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