March 22, 2017
Tim Foil - Editor
WASHINGTON - President Trump signed into law a bill which provides NASA $19.5 billion in funding for the 2018 fiscal year. The main goal of the legislation, establish a colony on Mars by the year 2033. Knowing the Don, however, we assumed he had some alternative motives for signing the bill. This is what he had to say.
"First, I am a great President. So great, I will be the first man on Mars. Second, we can't forget the coal that may or may not be on Mars. I promised coal jobs. Coal jobs I will deliver. Third, the Saturday Night Live alien skit has my skin crawling. We need a defensive base on Mars to prevent any illegal wiretapping plots by aliens. We do not want them in our country even if they have been extremely, and I mean extremely, vetted. Finally, I see business opportunities on Mars for Trump Tower's. Imagine it now, you look up in the sky, across the baron desert, and BAM, a yuge gorgeous golden Trump Tower is there to block your view of Earth."
During the bill signing we also found time to talk with Marco Rubio (R).
"I can’t say I would ever go to Mars, but I think the President has some solid points on aliens tapping the White House. They probably got cozy with Obama during his administration, and are now infiltrating America. Come to think of it, they may be using their advanced technology to implant those cameras in the microwaves."
Here at donaldtrumplovesrussia.com we hope the aliens do come and take our leader with them. Maybe they will be able to show him some common sense, that his policies are hurting the American people who put their lives into his hands. To keep up to date on this story and others like it, please like, follow, and share us on Facebook and Twitter.