Paul Ryan Tearfully Pulls AHCA from House Floor

March 24, 2017

Heath Cure - Editor

Paul Ryan Image

WASHINGTON - Around 3:30 p.m. Paul Ryan entered the house floor and pulled his signature health bill. While making his announcement tears poured out of his eyes and an audible choke heard in his voice.

“Today it is sad that we have lost our only chance to repeal Obamacare. I tried as hard as I could to unite the Republican party, but they just would not listen to me. In my meeting with Trump, he bullied me and said I had lost my chance. That Mr. Trump is a mean mean man.”

Ryan paused here as he doubled over in visceral pain.

“I just can’t believe we failed! How can we, the party of the white man, let a black mans achievement stand. It is absurd. In addition, Republican brothers and sisters, the Coke brothers called me before I walked in. They said they will no longer donate to our campaigns. There goes re-election!"

At this time Ryan become solemn, turned from the podium, and walked out. We asked house minority leader Nancy Pelosi her thoughts on Speaker Ryan’s demeanor.

“First, I would like to say how happy we are that this disastrous health-care bill has been pulled. As far as Ryan, I feel for the guy. This bill was his baby. Sure it was missing a few teeth, had six toes, and was born out of incestuous relations, but it was going to be his crowning achievement. It is always hard to put down something you love, but in this case, putting this baby six feet under was best for everyone.”

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